The Letter
by QueenofDiamondss
Summary: A slightly OOC MukuroXOC drabble I wrote while remembering the Mukuro in my life. Sigh... Sadly i do not own KHR or Haru and Levi wouldn't exist and it would be Yaoi. RR Please!
1. Drabble 1

_'I guess if you do get a hold of this letter, then I'm no longer residing at my apartment. Or for that matter, I'm probably not even in Japan anymore, if I'm alive at all. By the time this gets to you, considering that you have never tried to search my room or you'd have gotten the Dingos attention, I hope to have moved on._

_I say moved on because that's what I'm writing for. I have always had an interesting mix of feelings for you. On one hand, your charming attitude and mysterious nature draws me to you like a magnet. But on the other hand, watching you fight and knowing your goals frighten me. Your flaws make you perfect, but your personality pushes me away._

_No man I've ever met, no matter how handsome or endearing, has ever captured my soul like you have, and watching you fawn over your pet, time and time again has pushed me to consider suicide on several occasions. Every time I see you, I remember that you have never turned a genuine smile or a truly kind word in my direction; only hers. And it feels like someone is crushing me, I can't breathe, I can't speak, I can't move!_

_It's hard to fathom how a single person can make me feel so alive, then make me seriously consider taking my own life, just to escape the pain and torment. It's impossible that any man, any creature, can drive me this mad, since I've been called mad more times in my life than I've been called by my real name. And only one human being, if that is indeed what you are, is that powerful without even trying._

_I have spent many a day with you, laughing and smiling in the company of our friends, but I can only thank my outer shell for those days. Because, inside that shell, the laughter was sobbing and the smiles were wails of a soul in turmoil. And I'm very glad that my shell has never cracked or broken infront of anyone. No one else should trouble either themselves or you over my pain and sorrow._

_If you have yet to burn this letter, or otherwise destroy it, thank you. I hope that I have finally been able to express my motives for whatever has happened to me and I ask that you not show this to any of our friends. Partially because I do not want them to hate you and partially because they don't need to grieve on my account. I regret nothing but having not been able to say the things I have written here to you, face-to-face._

_Heart and Soul,_  
_[Name]'  
_

* * *

Mukuro frowned, different colored eyes looking up from the battered letter. The room had been sealed up for months after [Name]-Chan's leaving and was totally untouched from her final days. The desk was neat and clean, the posters on the wall were straight and orderly; nothing seemed amiss. As if the occupant of the room had simply stepped out for a moment or two.

She hadn't shown one warning sign. Not one little hint of the tragedy that had unfolded that night. After her birthday party when he and Chrome had been the last ones to leave, [Name] had looked so, . . . so normal. She'd been smiling, still trying to get bits of her hair out of her eyes no matter how many times she tied it back. And he'd left her house that night doting on Chrome.

Now that Mukuro thought about it, placing the letter on the desk, [Name] was anything but normal. He'd seen her from afar many times, hard at work on some plan or idea, and admired her. Such a gentle, innocent face; one that had never worried about her own safety a day in her life. Everything his second body lacked, this girl had had.

Tucking the paper he'd found under the chair into his jacket, he took one final look at the noose hanging from the rafters. The life before her was very simple. Just survive. But the changes she'd brought with her, and the changes she'd left behind made sure the Vongola family would never be the same. Mukuro then turned and left the bedroom just as he'd found it; the ghost of a girl who'd keep her entire life bottled up inside. The life that had affected so many........


	2. Gokudera

_'You're a jackass. A stupid, blind, bullheaded jackass. A lot of guys would kill to be you. And I could name a thousand ways you make my world heaven. But there's only one way you make my life a living hell. I've never had this problem before, which is why you frustrate me so much._

_You seem to fixate on him because you claim he saved your life. You're an absolute genius. You're skills never cease to amaze the skeptic in me. You are both physically perfect, and mentally flawed. To all the world, a dangerous man, and to me, a gilded silver bullet through and through. That's the reason you fascinated me for so long. Ask any of the others and they can tell you, I've had a crush on you for as long as we've known each other. But despite how smart you are, you never even noticed. I tried so hard to show my love for you, but sadly, you ignored me._

_Often, more so every day I watched, I wondered if he'd truly stolen your heart, my prize. But I know he wants someone else and, in that regard, you and I are very much the same. We both want what we cannot have as our own._

_I have had very few options left open to me this time, and they've dwindled quickly. The few I have left are very hard for me to contemplait. Onewas outright telling you I love you. But I'm too much of a coward to do that. Another was to kill myself, which I admit, isn't the best idea I've ever had. I could very well leave, but knowing my former life and your sister's threats, it would complicate life for the both of us._

_So my final desicion has, by the time anyone reads this letter, been made. I'll never forget how you guys pulled me out of my old life. If not for you, well, if not for everyone, especially you, I'd probably have been dead long before this. And by now you know my solution, so I won't write it down here. Forgive me for being such a hopeless coward. But atleast, this way you'll remember me, you jackass._

_Unnoticably yours,_

_[Name]'_

Gokudera squeezed his eyes shut, dropping the boquet of flowers as he tried his damnedest not to cry. He'd noticed the letter sitting in the mail box when he came to pay his last respects. The apartment had just been refinished so no traceof the explosion remained. No one had moved in yet either, making the small white envelope in the mail box a mystery. It's contents devestated him.

From the very first time they'd met at one of Reborn's strange family competitions, the surprisingly agile girl had turned everyone's heads. She'd had such a devil-may-care personality that had gotten even Hibari's attention. Gokudera had been so stupid and stubbornly determined not to let her get to him like so many guys who'd daily trailed after her from school. he'd focused, instead, on the 10th. But inside, [Name] was all he could think about. She'd throw him off his game whenever she was anywhere nearby.

Finally, the day he'd planned to tell the bomb technician, the worst irony happened. An explosion blew out the door just as he knocked, throwing both him and the solid oak door down the length of the hallway. Later, Shamal had said that the door had saved his life. And probably damned hers. [Name] wasn't badly burned. Her forehead only bled lightly. She would have been OK. But the image of that long twisted peice of metal, the remains of her dining room table, sticking out of her chest haunted Gokudera's dreams almost every night. She'd been in the front room where, if not for the solid oak door, the blast would have been tunneled past her harmlessly.

He now knew that it had been her every intention to die in the explosion. She hadn't been tinkering with some new bomb like everyone had thought. That would have been impossible. It was heartbreaking.

_'We both want what we cannot have as our own.'_

Yamamoto appeared at the far end of the hallway, strolling up to join Gokudera at the new door. "Are you ready to go?" He asked quietly, putting a hand gently on the other man's shoulder. He knew it was hard for the storm gaurdian to handle [Name]'s death.

Gokudera, with silent tears dripping to the floor, unable to speak, handed the letter to him and walked away without a word. Yamamoto read the letter quickly, his face growing grim with every sentance. He finished and followed his mourning friend out of the apartment building. Life, even in the short time [Name] had been a part of it, was never going to be the same without her.


End file.
